Ok six days is pretty bad...

Six days of not blogging is pretty bad. But I was pretty busy with school from Wednesday to Friday. And every night I was either texting or talking to Matt. Well no longer. Yesterday I was busy trying to get all the cleaning and all my homework done so that today I could go on a date with Matt. Not so much. At about 5:30 yesterday he text me saying "Hey I can't go out with you tomorrow. I don't know if we are on the same page but i think we are kinda moving too fast. im just not sure im there and with you having a child i cant afford to be unsure and cause problems. im sorry but you are a great woman." WTF! So then I tried calling him but of course the douchebag picked up the phone and then hung up. So i texted him "So I am just so confused and thats why i called you. Yes i did think we were kind of going a little to fast but i was just going with the signals i got from you. Plus i dont undersdatnd why u even went out on a date with me if u didn't wat to date someone with a child. I guess I am just looking for what i did wrong..." To that he responded "You didn't do anything wrong and your child has nothing to do with it, besides the fact that i have to be extra sure in that situation. Im sure i gave the wrong signals to. I just dont know if i wanna date at the moment and we are kinda there." Well yeah if you are on a dating website you probably should be ready to date a-hole. And its not like I meet him on one of those free dating websites. I met him on eHarmony for gosh sakes...somewhere you have to freaking pay to be on. So I asked him about why he was even on eHarmony and he just said he didn't know. Whatever! What a crock of shit. Well i guess you just move on... I really am sick and tired of being dumped though. But i guess thats part of the dating scene. So basically thats what has happened in the last week or so. In a nutshell anyways...

Wahoo, another consecutive post...

So today was the first day of school. I wasn't impressed. lol. To me it just feels like a repeat dream. But at least when we went over one of the pre-reading chapters in class I actually felt like I new the material for once. Plus I was glad I typed my notes because now I dont have to do it again and I can just study from them instead of lugging my big ol' book around :) Plus I got to hang with my nursing girls and that is always a good time. We just went over the gigantic syllabus and that one chapter. It was a pretty good day.
On the dating front things are looking fantastic. Matt texted me all day yesterday and he texted me right after he got home from work. Plus we have been texting continuously for the last 3 hours. It is so nice to have someone who likes to communicate. I know we are in the honeymoon period and things probably wont stay like this but for now its working :) Plus he already asked me if we are going to see each other this weekend...Bonus. So I am hoping this relationship works out because I am sooo sick of dating. I know it is too early to probably be saying that but yes I went there. lol. Tomorrow is going to be a lounging/homework day so I can't wait.
I guess thats pretty good for now...till the next post...

It's been a minute....

So its been a minute since I posted last. Good thing I have my bff keeping me going on this thing. I suppose that could be my new years resolution since I didn't really make one for this year :) 
Well school starts tomorrow and I couldn't be happier. I know that is probably weird to hear but I am sick of being at home all day. At least school breaks up the monotiny of the day and every day I am in class gets me closer and closer to graduation...Wahoo!!! I am defiately not as nervous going into tomorrow as I was the last two semesters. Probably because I have already done this work before. I am only nervous about the new group of people I will be having class with. Thank goodness I know at least 5 people (well 6 if you count the one I only talk to on facebook). And my bff Janice is still with me :) So that makes is the best ever!!! Plus I don't have the same clinical teacher this term as I did last semester. I have my lecture teacher (Ingrid) for my clinical teacher too! Which is awesome because I love Ingrid. So I am hoping this is one of my best semesters :)
Now on to the dating front.... Well I had a date last night with a guy I meet on eHarmony. I thought the date went fantastic :) His name is Matt and he is 27 years old. The bummer is that he lives all the way in Derborn which is about a 35-40 minute drive from my house to there. He is super cute and has the same sense of humor as I do. We met at the Texas Roadhouse in Madison Heights but ended up driving over to Logans because of the wait time. We stayed there even though they had a wait too. But it was nice because we had a good flow of conversation. We were at Logans til around 10 and then drove back over to the Texas Roadhouse parking lot where my truck was. Then we sat in his car and just talked. It was so nice. I had to make myself leave when I saw that it was 12:30. I was so excited about the date when I got home that I barely slept a wink last night. lol. I know I am such a nerd. And we have been texting on and off all day today. He really is sweet and I can't wait to see him again. I am hoping maybe we can get out and go bowling this weekend. I will have to see how much homework I have though. He is starting a new job tomorrow and he seems super excited about it. That is always nice. And he is going to school to get his Bachelors degree but he takes his classes online. He has weekends free which is nice. I hope that I have enough sitters so that I can at least get to see him one of the days on the weekend.
It is super hard dating being a single parent and going to school full time. I want to be able to see him on the weekend but I don't want my dad to get pissed because he thinks I'm not spending enough time with Kenzie or on school work. But I have to have a life too! I know its not the greatest time to start dating but honestly when will be a good time for me. Never! lol. So for now I will just roll with the punches. It will always be a juggling act for me. But luckly I am good with multi-tasking lol.
Anywho I suppose I should probably get to bed. Even though I am probably not going to sleep to much tonight either. Till the next post....

Its not all rainbows and unicorns....

So....how to start this one...hmmmm. Well i guess thats a start, LOL :)  Anywho being single stinks! Plus I can't get this guy I was dating out of my head. It was a weird and akward relationship/break-up. I honestly don't know where I went wrong. So today...after not talking to him in over a week. I decided to text him "just wanted to say hi...hope you had a good christmas. How have you been?" And got nothing! Wtf! Seriously. We did have an intimate relationship so you would at least think he would replay with something! So now I just texted him "sooo we can't even talk anymore?" Probably a mistake but whatever. What am I supposed to do? I can't stop thinking about him. It is getting really annoying. But I guess the old saying "If you can't get over em, get under someone else" may have to be the solution. Well not exactly get under them but at least find someone who catches my fancy anyways.

I am not one to constantly think about guys but for some reason I just am totally sick of being single right now. As my past post have probably already told you. So I signed up for eHarmony (you know since all those commercials make you think your going to find your soulmate). So far I have been "communicating" with a couple people but it just seems more like work than actually meeting people. First you send 5 questions, then they answer those questions and send 5 questions to you, which you answer then send your must haves/cant haves and they send theirs back....blah blah blah blah blah! Its getting really monotinious (sp).

I can't wait for school to start so that I am to busy to think about these things...well its midnight now so I probably should go to bed anyways....

Back to the books...

Well I am currently sitting here with my books for school sprawled out around me and open. If figured today would be as good of day as any to start studying agian for the upcoming semester. Since I basically have the agenda anyways. Not that studying was a problem for me last semester...I mean before I was kicked out for missing two clinicals, I was actually passing the class. But I am bound and determined to show the faculty that they did not make a mistake by letting me come back. I really do want to get my RN degree. Not only because that is what I have always wanted to "be when I grow up" but also to me it symbolizes freedom. I mean I love my family and all but they are really driving me nuts. And I have to get my daughter out of here so I can raise her the way I want to...not the way people think I should be raising her.

Recently she has gotten quite the little attitude on her and is kind of turing into a spoiled brat because my dad and sister give into her every whim. This is really driving me bonkers!

But I digress....

I am hoping that getting started with these books gives me more motivation to do things because right now I have none. I don't know what it is but I am kind of in a funk. I am bored and lonely. The dating front isn't looking to promising either. I guess I am just to picky but I kind of have to be now. I told myself I would never settle again and that is exactly what I am going to stick to.

God tells us all to be patient but I am getting seriously aggravated...lol. Not that I am a needy person but I would like someone to at least help me with my emotional support. Friends and family are great but it different when you just have someone you can lean on and is worried about your own well being. I can't say that I have truely been head over heals in love with anyone and I would like to find out what that feels like. I think before I was just settling with my daughters father and hoping that I could change him. But learned a big lesson there...you can't change anyone. Thats another reason I guess I am picky lol.

Oh well...going to go and knock out one more chapter (maybe two depending on how ambisious I am) tonight before I fall asleep.....

A good day :)

Today was kind of pretty awesome :) First I got to see my bff from nursing school, Janice. We met up so that we could go sign our registration cards for school. But when we got there school was closed...oh well. Now we just have to do it all again tomorrow. At least I got to see Janice for awhile :)  Plus we made plans to hang out for new years and do a drunkin Wii party...this should be awesome!

Then my dad went to the casino so I got a little break this afternoon of not really having to do much. And we got Subway for dinner which ment I didn't have to cook. And did I mention I had Subway with Janice for lunch..yum yum.

Finally my sisters friend from high school Kristen came over with her adorable little baby boy and her husband to play some Wii and hang out. Caebrey is by far one of the cutest little baby's ever!!! Plus he was so good :)  My sister, her friend Jenna and Kristen had a blast playing Just Dance 2 and Justin played with Kenzie which made her soooo happy. Of course I was playing with Caebrey. I love love love babies. I can't wait to be a nurse and either work in Pediatrics or Labor and Delivery so I can see babies every day!

Then I played Sims 3 for about 2 hours tonight after they left. All in all "today was a good day" :)

Me and Caebrey

Kenzie and Caebrey (She loves holding babies just like her mommy!)

So far so good...

Well at least I have posted two days in a row...LOL. Anywho today was all about Wii day! I finally got a Wii with the Christmas money from my dad and my daughters Christmas money. Don't worry..the Wii is for both of us. And I bought her two games to my one :)  She had a blast playing this afternoon.

Night time is the worst for me though. I know I probably should be studying for school right now but instead I spent my evening trolling around plenty of fish and eharmony. I don't know what I am so lonely right now. I suppose its the holidays and being off school. I mean I'm not freaking because I have a test or anything right now so I have a lot of time to sit and think.

I know I should be thankful for all that I have (and I truely am) but I have always wanted to be someones wife and have my own family. I just feel like I am stuck in a never ending cycle right now. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel now though and it begins in March of 2012. To me that can't come soon enough though. Then the big decisions have to be made. Stay here in Michigan with my family or move to Montana where I seem to be appreciated more. My mom's side of the family lives there and they are the ones I always call when I need a pick me up. They love me for who I am and what I am doing to better my life. Everyone here seems to think they do the same but I really don't feel the love :( I really could see myself living in Montana but everyone here seems to think it would crush my immediate family here if I did so.

I know they love my daughter but seriously why can't I be happy for once. I only seem to get ridiculed around here. Oh well. Still have over a year to decide i guess.

Well I suppose I should get to bed since little miss sunshine seems to get up way early these days.....