Its not all rainbows and unicorns....

So....how to start this one...hmmmm. Well i guess thats a start, LOL :)  Anywho being single stinks! Plus I can't get this guy I was dating out of my head. It was a weird and akward relationship/break-up. I honestly don't know where I went wrong. So today...after not talking to him in over a week. I decided to text him "just wanted to say hi...hope you had a good christmas. How have you been?" And got nothing! Wtf! Seriously. We did have an intimate relationship so you would at least think he would replay with something! So now I just texted him "sooo we can't even talk anymore?" Probably a mistake but whatever. What am I supposed to do? I can't stop thinking about him. It is getting really annoying. But I guess the old saying "If you can't get over em, get under someone else" may have to be the solution. Well not exactly get under them but at least find someone who catches my fancy anyways.

I am not one to constantly think about guys but for some reason I just am totally sick of being single right now. As my past post have probably already told you. So I signed up for eHarmony (you know since all those commercials make you think your going to find your soulmate). So far I have been "communicating" with a couple people but it just seems more like work than actually meeting people. First you send 5 questions, then they answer those questions and send 5 questions to you, which you answer then send your must haves/cant haves and they send theirs back....blah blah blah blah blah! Its getting really monotinious (sp).

I can't wait for school to start so that I am to busy to think about these things...well its midnight now so I probably should go to bed anyways....

Back to the books...

Well I am currently sitting here with my books for school sprawled out around me and open. If figured today would be as good of day as any to start studying agian for the upcoming semester. Since I basically have the agenda anyways. Not that studying was a problem for me last semester...I mean before I was kicked out for missing two clinicals, I was actually passing the class. But I am bound and determined to show the faculty that they did not make a mistake by letting me come back. I really do want to get my RN degree. Not only because that is what I have always wanted to "be when I grow up" but also to me it symbolizes freedom. I mean I love my family and all but they are really driving me nuts. And I have to get my daughter out of here so I can raise her the way I want to...not the way people think I should be raising her.

Recently she has gotten quite the little attitude on her and is kind of turing into a spoiled brat because my dad and sister give into her every whim. This is really driving me bonkers!

But I digress....

I am hoping that getting started with these books gives me more motivation to do things because right now I have none. I don't know what it is but I am kind of in a funk. I am bored and lonely. The dating front isn't looking to promising either. I guess I am just to picky but I kind of have to be now. I told myself I would never settle again and that is exactly what I am going to stick to.

God tells us all to be patient but I am getting seriously aggravated...lol. Not that I am a needy person but I would like someone to at least help me with my emotional support. Friends and family are great but it different when you just have someone you can lean on and is worried about your own well being. I can't say that I have truely been head over heals in love with anyone and I would like to find out what that feels like. I think before I was just settling with my daughters father and hoping that I could change him. But learned a big lesson there...you can't change anyone. Thats another reason I guess I am picky lol.

Oh well...going to go and knock out one more chapter (maybe two depending on how ambisious I am) tonight before I fall asleep.....

A good day :)

Today was kind of pretty awesome :) First I got to see my bff from nursing school, Janice. We met up so that we could go sign our registration cards for school. But when we got there school was closed...oh well. Now we just have to do it all again tomorrow. At least I got to see Janice for awhile :)  Plus we made plans to hang out for new years and do a drunkin Wii party...this should be awesome!

Then my dad went to the casino so I got a little break this afternoon of not really having to do much. And we got Subway for dinner which ment I didn't have to cook. And did I mention I had Subway with Janice for lunch..yum yum.

Finally my sisters friend from high school Kristen came over with her adorable little baby boy and her husband to play some Wii and hang out. Caebrey is by far one of the cutest little baby's ever!!! Plus he was so good :)  My sister, her friend Jenna and Kristen had a blast playing Just Dance 2 and Justin played with Kenzie which made her soooo happy. Of course I was playing with Caebrey. I love love love babies. I can't wait to be a nurse and either work in Pediatrics or Labor and Delivery so I can see babies every day!

Then I played Sims 3 for about 2 hours tonight after they left. All in all "today was a good day" :)

Me and Caebrey

Kenzie and Caebrey (She loves holding babies just like her mommy!)

So far so good...

Well at least I have posted two days in a row...LOL. Anywho today was all about Wii day! I finally got a Wii with the Christmas money from my dad and my daughters Christmas money. Don't worry..the Wii is for both of us. And I bought her two games to my one :)  She had a blast playing this afternoon.

Night time is the worst for me though. I know I probably should be studying for school right now but instead I spent my evening trolling around plenty of fish and eharmony. I don't know what I am so lonely right now. I suppose its the holidays and being off school. I mean I'm not freaking because I have a test or anything right now so I have a lot of time to sit and think.

I know I should be thankful for all that I have (and I truely am) but I have always wanted to be someones wife and have my own family. I just feel like I am stuck in a never ending cycle right now. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel now though and it begins in March of 2012. To me that can't come soon enough though. Then the big decisions have to be made. Stay here in Michigan with my family or move to Montana where I seem to be appreciated more. My mom's side of the family lives there and they are the ones I always call when I need a pick me up. They love me for who I am and what I am doing to better my life. Everyone here seems to think they do the same but I really don't feel the love :( I really could see myself living in Montana but everyone here seems to think it would crush my immediate family here if I did so.

I know they love my daughter but seriously why can't I be happy for once. I only seem to get ridiculed around here. Oh well. Still have over a year to decide i guess.

Well I suppose I should get to bed since little miss sunshine seems to get up way early these days.....

The good old first post....

First off...Merry Christmas :/ So I have started o' so many of these....blogs, journals, diaries, ect. And none of them have stuck. I am going to try my hardest to keep this one going though. Just for my own sanity. lol.

Anywho, I suppose I will start my first post with my "All about me" section. Well, my name is Lisa and I am 27 years old (28 in a month from yesterday). I am a single parent of a beautiful little 3 year old named Makenzie Anne. She really has been one major things that has shaped me into the person I am today. And I am a true single parent in that my daughters father has nothing to do with her...which is totally fine with me and I will discuss why in a separate blog. I just don't have the energy right now to explain...yes its that bad. Another thing that has shaped who I am as a person today was the passing of my mother two years ago. She had breast cancer and that is a whole nother story for another time.

But as of now I am currently living with my father in the same house I grew up in since I was 4 years old. Very weird none the less. And my "awesome" sister lives here as well. You will probably get alot of blogs about her because well...she is one of my main sources of stress. I mean for the most part we are definately closer now than we ever were growing up but she still irritates the hell out of me :-/

I am currently in nursing school. I would like to say that I am almost done but I had to miss two clinical days this semester because my daughter was sick (and my family are jackholes). So now I have to retake my second semester over. Which I suppose if I had to retake any semester, this one would be as good as any. Simply because there is so much information and what we are learning are the basic building blocks for the rest of our careers basically. Plus we only have 10 weeks to learn it in so you basically study for one test and then forget it all by the end of that test. Plus it only puts my graduation date back 3 months so its not to bad. And I have a fabulous group of ladies that I will be retaking the class with. Well that doesn't sound very good but if I had to retake with anyone these girls would be at the top of my list :)  Especially since my nursing bff will still be with me!!! So now I study the same material I had and hopefully on January 10th (the first day back) I will actually feel prepared for once.

Also being a single parent can be super lonely. I mean I live with my dad and sister but lets get serious, they are only concerned with their own lives. I know they love my daughter and all but if something isn't working for them all hell breaks lose around here. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry ect. Plus school and raise my daughter. My dad helps out financhially but really that only goes so far because I feel like I am being kept prisoner around here.

I finally started "dating" again. Man what a crap hole this shit is!!! For one my family definately doesn't help out with babysitting so I can actually go and then they give me crap for always "leaving" Kenzie with someone. On a side note I have only gone out like once a week if that...and that was only for 4 weeks while I was "dating" this jerk. I never really realized how hard dating actually is as an adult. As a "kid" it was way easier..lol. At this point and time though I really feel it is time for me to get out there and find someone who will support me since I have very few people who do. I mean not that I don't have anybody, I have great friends and some good family (in Montana) that support me, but it is different when you have a partner who will support you. So now along with all the housework, studying and parenting, I have thrown myself into the dating scene as well. Mostly by dating websites because obviously it is just to hard to get out and meet someone right now. So yeah....thats about it for now.